You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
