i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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