Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
