he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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