i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
