so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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