She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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