just tell him i said nine months
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
