Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
