1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
