FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
