I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
