Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
