I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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