also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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