I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
