There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't notice because vodka
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
