Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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