wat bout pragnant strippers??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
sarcasm needs its own font
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
