You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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