The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
