If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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