i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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