They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
