he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
