i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
