I wish i was in the wii world.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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