I am midnight drunk by noon
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
