Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
