I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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