And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
