my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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