Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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