i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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