I want to make a zoo with you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
