All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
