You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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