I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
handjob tips. give me some.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
