Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
