i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
