so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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