sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
