toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
