the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
