the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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