does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
