fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
