I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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