I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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