So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Couch. On fire.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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