if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
