i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
