Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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