I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
