I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
