ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
