Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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