ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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