dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
