well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
