I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
