Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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